Well These Days I'm Fine (No These Days I Tend To Lie)
by Agentsofsuperwholocked
Summary: It had been a while since Jemma had fallen asleep in the lab and Fitz wasn't sure if this could be seen as a good thing, or if this was a bad thing.


**So, this here is an idea I had. I really hope that you guys enjoy this. Many thanks for reading.**

He found her asleep in the lab, sprawled out on the table. Looking at the clock hanging on the wall, he saw that it had turned just after one in the morning. He sighed and made his way to her, wanting to call her name, but knowing that if he did so he would wake her and Jemma really needed her sleep. She had been overworking herself, trying to find leads on Andrew or Lash, what he went by now, Fitz didn't know.

But what he did know was the reason Jemma was overworking herself, trying to find Lash. She blamed herself for the increasing number of Inhuman deaths that were happening. She blamed herself for every death that happened, said that it was her fault. And there were a number of people who also blamed her, not daring to say their opinions for fear of Fitz hearing. An argument had broken out a number of days before between Jemma and Lincoln. Ever since the events of Maveth, and it had been revealed that Jemma had been the one who had let Andrew out of containment. He had argued that it was her fault that there were now dozens of humans dead. At first Jemma had tried to ignore him, trying to continue with her work, but he kept forcing questions upon her, and eventually she had snapped, shouting back that, yes he was right, the guilt was eating her up, and that it was her fault but that was why she was trying to find him, to prevent him from killing anyone else. After this, she had stormed off, and Fitz had first went to try and find her, but a hand on the arm from Bobbi told him to stay, to allow her to deal with this on her own. He had nodded, somewhat reluctantly. And he also had, when he knew that he shouldn't have, shouted back at Lincoln, telling him to leave her alone, saying that she had quite literally been to hell and back.

In the weeks after Maveth, Fitz, along with everyone else, had expected Jemma to fall apart. But she hadn't. She had taken a number of days off at the beginning, to mourn for Will and to recover from what Ward had subjected her too. After that, she was working in the lab, researching Andrew, and trying to figure out the pattern of attacks, and so far that there hadn't been any distinguishable pattern. And Fitz was worried about her. That fact that she _wasn't_ falling apart, the fact that she was working, it didn't seem normal to him. She was locking everything up inside of her, the only thing that betrayed that she wasn't okay was her argument with Lincoln.

She was still asleep the closer that he got to her, undisturbed by his footsteps. Her lips were moving, mouthing silent words. The only thing breaking that silence was whimpers that were escaping from her. He took a breath, closed his eyes and then let it out. A lab was no place for her to sleep and he wanted to care for her. He slipped one hand behind her knees and gently slid her off the chair, and shifted so that she was more comfortable in his arms.

Her head was resting close to his shoulder. Her head rolled slightly to one side, so that the side of her face was buried in his shirt. Another whimper escaped her, this one slightly louder than the ones that had escaped her in the lab. He shushed her, murmuring reassuring words, some of those words were nonsense, but some of them were what Jemma would need to hear if she were awake and able to hear him. About how that it wasn't her fault, that it was never her fault, and it never would be. That, if she still wanted, they could get that cottage in Perthshire. That they could leave S.H.I.E.L.D., whether that be for a month or for a lifetime, he would do what ever she wanted.

It was after he opened her door, and began to walk towards her bed, he noticed that where her face was resting against the shirt it was stained with tears. Stroking her hair, he sat down on her bed and just sat there for a moment before setting her upon the bed and tucking the blankets around her As he turned to leave, he felt a hand trailing down his arm, fingers dancing there. His breath hitched, that moment mirroring the one from before he went to the aircraft.

"Stay," she whispered, and he turned to look at her, eyes tear stained and red. He nodded, and she shifted and he sat down beside her, but a slight shake of her head implied that she wanted him to lie down next to her. He raised an eyebrow and the slight nod of her head indicated that she was fine with this, that she wanted this. Once he was lying down next to her, she adjusted herself once again, resting her head on his chest. His fingers ran through her hair and her breath was shay as she asked a question. "Would you move to Perthshire with me? Forever?"

He didn't answer for a moment, trying to formulate the best way to word the answer. "You heard that?" he asked instead.

She nodded, and then asked another question. "Would you really want to live with me?"

"Yeah, course. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I'm a horrible person. Look how many people are dead because of me. All those Inhumans. Will. Trip. I've hurt so many people." Her voice broke at this point, tears streaming down her face. "I've hurt everyone who loves me Fitz, I can't..." she didn't finish.

He moved from stroking her hair to placing kisses on her forehead but she moved after the first few. She wanted to feel that she could receive this love, she wanted nothing more than to feel that she deserved this love, but she didn't. She hadn't deserved Fitz in oh so long, but he still cared for her. He still loved her. How could he love someone like her? How could he love a _monster_ like her?

"You've not hurt me," he tried to comfort her, but tears came quicker at this. And she also gave a cruel wicked laugh, something that surprised him.

"I've hurt you so much," she said, her voice now high. "It's my fault that you suffered after the pod. I made you worse, everything I tried to do," she took a deep shuddering breath, sitting up. Fitz mirrored her actions, sitting opposite her. "No matter what I did, you suffered. Because of me. And I couldn't bear to see you in pain. When it was my fault. When it was all because of me."

Gently, and ever so delicately, he reached over, and used a thumb to wipe away a tear that was streaking its way down her face. She wanted to move away, to flinch away at the contact, but she remained where she was, allowed him to do this. Allowed herself this one brief moment of joy. Letting his hand fall back down beside him, he gave her smile. She gave a weak one back, but guilt had started to eat at her from the inside.

"Jemma," he whispered, "You are not a bad person."

A shake of her head, and she used the sleeve of her (his) hoodie to wipe at her nose. "But I am. I'm a monster. I made you worse by staying. I got Trip killed. I killed Bakshi. I got Bobbi tortured. Will, also dead because of me, and all those Inhumans."

Fitz waited a moment, allowing all of this to sink in before he spoke to her again. "Jems, I don't care what you think you've did. You did what you had to in those situations, you saved yourself, and that's all that matters to me."

"What's one life compared to 12?" she asked, her voice soft, broken.

He shrugged. "You're important to me Jems, and a world without you, well its one that I don't want to live in, don't even want to consider living in."

"But..." she began again but before she knew it, his hand was cupping her face and his lips were dancing across hers, soft and tender so unlike that first kiss that they shared. She wanted to pull away, her brain, the thing that she trusted most was screaming at her not to do this, but her heart told her to do this, to allow herself this joy for she deserved it.

The kiss ended far to quickly for her liking and she grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him in closer, allowing her lips to dance across his this time, allowing him to put his hands in her hair and hers moved up and down his back. Pulling apart for the second time, their foreheads rested against each other, hot breath mingling. Three words escaped from her before she had the chance to do anything about it. Three words that she had wanted to say of oh so many years.

Those three words changed her life.

 **I hope that you did enjoy. I managed to combine fluff and angst, something I seem to be doing a lot more now. I feel I've been to harsh in the past. Many thanks for reading. The three words thing is a reference is Eleanor and Park by the amazing Rainbow Rowell and you should read it. Like now. Go. It's great. The title comes from Amsterdam by Imagine Dragons and has some really FitzSimmons lyrics.**


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